You're reading Books, Beer and BLOGshit! It's the only blog on the internet that insists on starting out with the same opening phrases time after time. I am your repetitive host, Mr. Frank!
Luke Ahearn on the BLOGshit today for the Summer of Zombie Blog Tour. You're not going to believe this, Luke writes books! Zombie books no less! Don't that beat all? Luke Ahearn was indisposed however so we sat down with a zombie that came shambling along after him.
It will have to do.
The BLOGshit: How’d you become a zombie?
Ahearn's Zombie: I’m a zombie? Well, what ever happened it must have been gradual. I do remember the whole world was freaking out scared but I was all like, “take a chill pill man.” You see I was part of the initial wave of awesomeness that took hold of mankind. There is no way to describe it but I was part of the solution and all I had to do was smile and hug people. It worked too because soon we were all in the streets partying naked. Nothing was off limits, I mean nothing.
So there I was spreading the love man! I started hugging people and soon everyone was totally chill. Not just chill but the whole world was like the Gathering of the Juggalos or Burning Man. I’m what you might call an ugly son of a bitch, but when I was feeling confident I started hugging everyone and anyone I wanted to. It was awesome. One minute I’m feeling good, then great, then I’m dancing naked in the front lawn and then…No way in a million years would I thought this possible… my fine ass neighbor appears naked and starts dancing with me. Then we are doing it like dogs in the front lawn. Then it all gets a little fuzzy. I do remember shit after that but I can’t repeat it here.
The BLOGshit: Would you rather be alive again?
Ahearn's Zombie: I’ve never felt more alive! I can go all day and all night. No more sleep or hygiene for me. It’s all shuffling and eating, eating and shuffling.
The BLOGshit: What do the brains taste like anyway?
Ahearn's Zombie: Don’t really know. They’re always inside the skull and not worth the effort. I’m a simple man, meat and more meat for me; no skin, no fancy organs, no gnawing bones like a dog. I like the prime cuts; mid-bicep, flank, rump, quadraseeps—okay now I’m just making things up trying to sound fancy. I just rip into a living walker and enjoy. Like I said, I’m a simple man.
The BLOGshit: Does everything stiffen up from the Rigor Mortis?
Ahearn's Zombie: Rigor Mortis? I wish. It’s like zombie Viagra. But fortunately I’ve been swinging in the breeze and swinging past my knees, everything is loose as a goose. My intenseness are what’s
swinging so low as I lost my penis some time ago. I can’t tell you where it is but probably not too far from my scrots.
The BLOGshit: If you could eat anyone, who would it be?
Ahearn's Zombie: Hell I don’t care who I eat. When you are hungry you take the closest thing reaming and have at it. I guess if I were to be picky it would be just your average Joe or Josephine. Someone in average health before middle age but after puberty. Fat people are a lot of work, lots of digging to get to the meat. Youngsters are tasteless although some claim it’s like eating veal. The old
people are stringy and tough. And clowns taste funny—I love that one! It’s hard to find that perfect meal so I just bite in, grateful this slow walking son of a gun managed to get his hands on a fresh screamer.
 |
| Zombie Author Luke Ahearn |
Okay, I'll stop now.
No comments:
Post a Comment